November 6th - Anoek ON The Go

October 28 Houston Airport

The first day of my adventure. A deep sadness is traveling with me, lots of questions, ………..thinking of kids, David, dogs, not especially in that order.
David took me to the airport and since he was traveling as well, he took me to the gate, great luxury!
Geez, my big bag was 50.5. pounds! On the way back I will have to lose some.
Sat in the bulkhead, never again, with a wall in front of you, yikes

Why am I doing this? That is constantly on my mind. What kind of crazy is this? Finding myself? Fuck that! But that is what it is, who am I, without being a mom.
Caring for kids, house, husband, dogs, yard, laundry, bills, maintenance, repair etc

Who am I? Where am I? How many women are struggling with this empty nest syndrome, what are they doing? Playing bridge?Traveling?
My life needs to become meaningful in a different way now, the word that comes up is animals animals animals

David is sitting in the terminal in Austin waiting to board, I am in Houston waiting to board, weird .Without him I could not have done this, I just told him that.

Animals are so meaningful animals to us, human beings. Essential to our existence, socially, emotionally, spiritually. As are all living things.
I think in a way , my two dogs saved me. This morning I was resting on the bed (after accidently taking an overdose of vit B12 and breaking out!), they simply settled on either side of me. I let their loving energy enter, and felt better soon.
Many a times I felt totally alone, and bam, they were there, for me, to love and be loved, always, unconditionally, what a lesson to learn!

Soon I board and cross the ocean. My beloved ocean, the primordeal sounds of the ocean, that is where I will live and love, near the ocean

October 31st

Halloween in Holland is virtually not existing. It is odd to think a whole country across the ocean is dressing up and nobody here is looking
I am at the Unitarian retreat which is largely Americans living in Europe and they do Halloween.
A kids party, dress up, pumpkins etc

Food: Burgers are bare – not with the works- dessert is pudding (it has been ages!), ice cream and profiteroles
Everyone is sitting outside in coats , it is in the low 50ties today, in TX we would not even consider it…………the weather is vaguely sunny and the leaves are gorgous!

Walking the streets I am awed by the beauty, the architecture, the cobblestone and how everyone just goes on with their days as if this is not special.

Attended a discussion group today about intercontinental parenting and empty nesting.
Many moved for work, as a couple or family mostly, and many still feel like outsiderseven after 30 years! They stay for work reasons, quality of life, beauty, habit……
I share my story and have no conclusion………..I feel the debt of my good friends in the US, the love for my immediate family and friends here and also feeling like an outsider at the same time.
Time will tell more I hope

November 2nd

After a rainy day yesterday, it is nice once again. Cloudy, but nice, walked around with turtleneck, but no coat.
Today was the first time I had a leisurly walk into the town of Louvain. The beauty never ceases to amaze me. Of course now the color of the leaves add a fairy tale tone to the ages old architecture.
People are everywhere all the time, it reminds me of New York. And always drinking coffee or beer or something in some brasserie, brown café or restaurant.
Love it.

Two things changed from previous visits: people are nice in the stores and don’t walk into you on the streets, on the contrary, they make an attempt to give way .Since I never spend that much time in Belgium, but more in Holland I wonder if it is just different here.
The other thing is the luxury, all around. The stores now are just as richly stocked as anywhere, women and girls are dressed a lot better than in Austin and much more creative as well- which might be called daring.
All women wear boots, the choices and styles are endless and very interesting. Hats, gloves and coats.
Men do not seem to be going along with the fashion.
If there is a recession (and there is!!) you cannot see it here.

Ironically, this morning I went to Ikea with my friend, which is identical to anywhere in the world, including huge parking lots and coffeeshop. It was packed,
Watching the news last night there was not one word about it.

November 2nd

Coffee.
Served on a silver platter- well, stainless steel, cup and saucer, cookie , whipped cream, coaster under it all, while nobody worries much about paying your bill right away. Two feet away two guys are talking French, drinking wine at 2pm. Many people drinking alcohol in the middle of the day, amazing!

Bathroom
Got to go, had to pay 50 E cents to get in. I forgot, you pay to pee here……