December 7th - Living without

December 7th Living without

Since the robbery I still don’t have any credit cards, debit cards, pin codes and the likes. So I still cannot pull money out of the wall or a plastic card out of my pocket.
In part by choice (most of them arrived in the US) and in part because of where I live. If delivered, I have a tiny mailbox and lord knows where I would have to get the mail…
It is a very sobering experience, living with cash only. It keeps the wallet closed a lot more, expenses down and makes you think more sharply on what you are about to spend when you have to deliver right there and then.

I also live without an endless supply of water, heat and car! I walk everywhere, wait for trams and subways and I am dependent on public transportation with all its challenges.

More confronting is the lack of structure in my life. I used to have full and busy days, now I have not.
It is very difficult for me and is not getting easier. So I give myself errands, go to the gym, plan for Christmas, try and meet people, just so I can feel I belong to something or someone, which I do not.

The hardest of all is to live without friends or family.
The owners of the gym are the only two people I have become friends with.
Not because I have not tried, but Belgians are (so far) not interested in extending contact, or even striking up a conversation. The extend to which that is true, has been quiet shocking to me. Walk into the dressing room at the gym, you say hello and do not get an answer. You do not get an answer. Or in the elevator, even when they know you. Let alone in stores, on trams, in restaurants.
It is eerie, when you know people see you, look at you and yet, do not speak to you..
One might argue, this is a culture of total disconnect and on the surface that is true. On a more profound level it is not true at all, on the contrary, People are very comitted and loyal, but it takes a lot of time to get there, so for foreigners, this does not work well.

Well, you guessed right! I am not having a very good time, although I am learning a lot and I am sure at a later date I will understand more about my time in Antwerp, including walking in the rain all day............
Meanwhile, I am looking forward to my family coming for Christmas and in January I am moving to Amsterdam for a while.