December 27th – Family
They have landed upon me!
After being on my own, relying on myself since October 28th, it is shocking to be constantly surrounded by people, my family. We are 6 people at the moment in small a 2-bedroom apartment in the center of Antwerp.
My space is invaded, the organized fashion with which I ran my life, gone, the sleeping when I wanted, sounds when I wanted, activities when I wanted, gone gone gone……….
Now, my mind is cluttered with shopping, cooking and touristy things to do.
And I love it .
Welcome it.
I feel like a different person, enriched, fuller, irritated and joyful.
What a learning. In spite of the complications of having grown kids who do not need you anymore, we love being around each other. I felt filled with love for them, for what they are trying out in their lives and felt honored that they choose to be with me/us.
It made me realize that at the moment I do not want to be on a different continent from them, even though my stepdaughter and family is unfortunatelyhere in Europe.
These bi-continental decisions will never happen without loss, I simply will have to be in both places
Our Christmas was great with doing nothing but eat delicious food and hang out.
During the day I share lots of pretty places (cafes and good coffee!) and at night we are playing games, read , talk. The TV has conked out over a week ago, so no
escape there, although truth be told, I miss it: BBC, French, German, Holland, Arabic, Italian, Spanish, 37 channels in 9 languages!Delightful.
Antwerp is showing off its best looks. Lights everywhere, shops open, festivals, gluewein(warm wine), fireplaces and lamps on the outdoor terraces, and a big skating rink, smack in the center of town. Today the kids wanted to go skating, but it was so jampacked, we decided against it. Tomorrow should be better….
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
December 19th - Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow
20 December – Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow
Well, someone was listening to that song, we had 6 inches of snow here, which is very unusual. It is minus 11 degrees C / 15 degrees F (will warm up some next week) and normally Belgium is around 8 degrees C / low forties F at this time.
It was beautiful, even mesmerizing, white snow, on rooftops, cars, streets, trees, truly winter wonderland as in a postcard. It went on and on, Thursday the 17th. I went out, it was the kind of snow you want to kick up, pick up, throw around and be playful with and you actually heard your feet go crunch crunch
Now, Saturday night, the cold is breathtaking, 15 degrees or thereabouts.
The roads are hard to negotiate, it has all become ice, even around the corner to get bread, or else other parts where cars drive, have turned into mush
Tonight I went to an outdoor party around the corner, it is amazing how many people come out, eat , drink (warm wine everywhere!) and be merry, in spite of the cold.
Apparently it is snowing again tomorrow, which means it will be a tat warmer, so far the sky has been stark blue and crisp, very very beautiful. It has been a long time since snow…..New York probably.
This afternoon I went to a “city meditation”, which was very interesting. The teacher encouraged everyone to perceive cities by energy and we were asked which place here we felt most attracted to and why. Good little exercise for anyone anywhere!
Met some really cool people, went out for coffee, geez, if felt like I finally found a connection. Later we all took a Tarot class; it re-kindled my old love for the cards, I actually even brought them with me.
Coming back to my comment in the last posting:
The interview I had, was conducted by someone who works for the city of Antwerp and is looking for ways to improve tourism. She found me on a website for travelers. It was very pleasant, nice young woman.
EMDR has to do with Rapid Eye Movement, the kind of stuff you do when you are in Rem sleep.
I had my session, but did not notice anything different (insomnia and tinnitus)
Well, someone was listening to that song, we had 6 inches of snow here, which is very unusual. It is minus 11 degrees C / 15 degrees F (will warm up some next week) and normally Belgium is around 8 degrees C / low forties F at this time.
It was beautiful, even mesmerizing, white snow, on rooftops, cars, streets, trees, truly winter wonderland as in a postcard. It went on and on, Thursday the 17th. I went out, it was the kind of snow you want to kick up, pick up, throw around and be playful with and you actually heard your feet go crunch crunch
Now, Saturday night, the cold is breathtaking, 15 degrees or thereabouts.
The roads are hard to negotiate, it has all become ice, even around the corner to get bread, or else other parts where cars drive, have turned into mush
Tonight I went to an outdoor party around the corner, it is amazing how many people come out, eat , drink (warm wine everywhere!) and be merry, in spite of the cold.
Apparently it is snowing again tomorrow, which means it will be a tat warmer, so far the sky has been stark blue and crisp, very very beautiful. It has been a long time since snow…..New York probably.
This afternoon I went to a “city meditation”, which was very interesting. The teacher encouraged everyone to perceive cities by energy and we were asked which place here we felt most attracted to and why. Good little exercise for anyone anywhere!
Met some really cool people, went out for coffee, geez, if felt like I finally found a connection. Later we all took a Tarot class; it re-kindled my old love for the cards, I actually even brought them with me.
Coming back to my comment in the last posting:
The interview I had, was conducted by someone who works for the city of Antwerp and is looking for ways to improve tourism. She found me on a website for travelers. It was very pleasant, nice young woman.
EMDR has to do with Rapid Eye Movement, the kind of stuff you do when you are in Rem sleep.
I had my session, but did not notice anything different (insomnia and tinnitus)
Monday, December 14, 2009
December 14th - France
December 14th France
Amazing to be there within a few hours . I love seeing and hearing French, seeing beautiful castles on the way to anywhere, pretty villages with cobblestones and flowers (still!), all lined with what they call Christmas Markets and skating rinks in the center of town
My host is the father of a dear friend of mine, my very first au-pair in New York in fact, and we were treated to culinary delights with no end!
Saturday we went to the sea, ah yes, the Mediterrenean, what beauty!
The weather was calm, cool and sunny and the sun was lying on the sea like a solid path.
I walk on the water towards the sun
To the horizon that never comes
Nowhere to rest, from sound and shakes
The restless sleep, so help me god
The coast there is much like Oregon, boulders in the water and some coves here and there.Completely mesmerizing
Sunday the cold set in, it is now -2 degrees, which is some freezing
Tonight, Monday the 14th, I returned to Antwerp and much to my surprised enjoyed “coming home”.
Tomorrow I will be interviewed about something…by someone…go to the gym and have a session on EMDR, will explain more
Amazing to be there within a few hours . I love seeing and hearing French, seeing beautiful castles on the way to anywhere, pretty villages with cobblestones and flowers (still!), all lined with what they call Christmas Markets and skating rinks in the center of town
My host is the father of a dear friend of mine, my very first au-pair in New York in fact, and we were treated to culinary delights with no end!
Saturday we went to the sea, ah yes, the Mediterrenean, what beauty!
The weather was calm, cool and sunny and the sun was lying on the sea like a solid path.
I walk on the water towards the sun
To the horizon that never comes
Nowhere to rest, from sound and shakes
The restless sleep, so help me god
The coast there is much like Oregon, boulders in the water and some coves here and there.Completely mesmerizing
Sunday the cold set in, it is now -2 degrees, which is some freezing
Tonight, Monday the 14th, I returned to Antwerp and much to my surprised enjoyed “coming home”.
Tomorrow I will be interviewed about something…by someone…go to the gym and have a session on EMDR, will explain more
December 11th - Living with
December11th - Living with
A beautiful city, lights, entertainment (Nutcracker, Candide (Bernstein) and two people I have become friends with.
The weather has been relatively easy to take, just here and there a rain day, but today (and yesterday) the sun is out and the temperature is mild.
They spoke of a white Xmas though!
The city has morphed into a sea of lights, markets, entertainment and the terraces are heated, lots of people out and about.
I didn’t know Xmas was such a big deal here, shops open and of course fireworks.
That is the biggest deal of all, I believe pretty much everywhere in Europe
Here there will be a big display on the big river (Schelde)
Later today I will catch a plane to the South of France!
A beautiful city, lights, entertainment (Nutcracker, Candide (Bernstein) and two people I have become friends with.
The weather has been relatively easy to take, just here and there a rain day, but today (and yesterday) the sun is out and the temperature is mild.
They spoke of a white Xmas though!
The city has morphed into a sea of lights, markets, entertainment and the terraces are heated, lots of people out and about.
I didn’t know Xmas was such a big deal here, shops open and of course fireworks.
That is the biggest deal of all, I believe pretty much everywhere in Europe
Here there will be a big display on the big river (Schelde)
Later today I will catch a plane to the South of France!
Monday, December 7, 2009
December 7th - Living without
December 7th Living without
Since the robbery I still don’t have any credit cards, debit cards, pin codes and the likes. So I still cannot pull money out of the wall or a plastic card out of my pocket.
In part by choice (most of them arrived in the US) and in part because of where I live. If delivered, I have a tiny mailbox and lord knows where I would have to get the mail…
It is a very sobering experience, living with cash only. It keeps the wallet closed a lot more, expenses down and makes you think more sharply on what you are about to spend when you have to deliver right there and then.
I also live without an endless supply of water, heat and car! I walk everywhere, wait for trams and subways and I am dependent on public transportation with all its challenges.
More confronting is the lack of structure in my life. I used to have full and busy days, now I have not.
It is very difficult for me and is not getting easier. So I give myself errands, go to the gym, plan for Christmas, try and meet people, just so I can feel I belong to something or someone, which I do not.
The hardest of all is to live without friends or family.
The owners of the gym are the only two people I have become friends with.
Not because I have not tried, but Belgians are (so far) not interested in extending contact, or even striking up a conversation. The extend to which that is true, has been quiet shocking to me. Walk into the dressing room at the gym, you say hello and do not get an answer. You do not get an answer. Or in the elevator, even when they know you. Let alone in stores, on trams, in restaurants.
It is eerie, when you know people see you, look at you and yet, do not speak to you..
One might argue, this is a culture of total disconnect and on the surface that is true. On a more profound level it is not true at all, on the contrary, People are very comitted and loyal, but it takes a lot of time to get there, so for foreigners, this does not work well.
Well, you guessed right! I am not having a very good time, although I am learning a lot and I am sure at a later date I will understand more about my time in Antwerp, including walking in the rain all day............
Meanwhile, I am looking forward to my family coming for Christmas and in January I am moving to Amsterdam for a while.
Since the robbery I still don’t have any credit cards, debit cards, pin codes and the likes. So I still cannot pull money out of the wall or a plastic card out of my pocket.
In part by choice (most of them arrived in the US) and in part because of where I live. If delivered, I have a tiny mailbox and lord knows where I would have to get the mail…
It is a very sobering experience, living with cash only. It keeps the wallet closed a lot more, expenses down and makes you think more sharply on what you are about to spend when you have to deliver right there and then.
I also live without an endless supply of water, heat and car! I walk everywhere, wait for trams and subways and I am dependent on public transportation with all its challenges.
More confronting is the lack of structure in my life. I used to have full and busy days, now I have not.
It is very difficult for me and is not getting easier. So I give myself errands, go to the gym, plan for Christmas, try and meet people, just so I can feel I belong to something or someone, which I do not.
The hardest of all is to live without friends or family.
The owners of the gym are the only two people I have become friends with.
Not because I have not tried, but Belgians are (so far) not interested in extending contact, or even striking up a conversation. The extend to which that is true, has been quiet shocking to me. Walk into the dressing room at the gym, you say hello and do not get an answer. You do not get an answer. Or in the elevator, even when they know you. Let alone in stores, on trams, in restaurants.
It is eerie, when you know people see you, look at you and yet, do not speak to you..
One might argue, this is a culture of total disconnect and on the surface that is true. On a more profound level it is not true at all, on the contrary, People are very comitted and loyal, but it takes a lot of time to get there, so for foreigners, this does not work well.
Well, you guessed right! I am not having a very good time, although I am learning a lot and I am sure at a later date I will understand more about my time in Antwerp, including walking in the rain all day............
Meanwhile, I am looking forward to my family coming for Christmas and in January I am moving to Amsterdam for a while.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Dec 2nd Coming Home
December 2nd Coming Home
This past weekend I went to Amsterdam and felt like coming home. Maybe because I have felt alienated in Antwerp, maybe because I saw family and friends, maybe because nobody here is in the slightest interested in meeting me. I do not take that personal, it seems to be the Belgian way. Nobody talks to you, even when you say a friendly hello or ask a question.
I don’t know if that is any better in Amsterdam, but it was like getting a warm bath of connections, since I already have those.
It made me wonder what “ home “ really means and I have to conclude, it is where the people you love, live. That realization has become very clear, and at the same time, I think I could build a life anywhere if I choose, that too has become clear.
But I do not, I will go where my friends and family are.
I found an apartment in Amsterdam – I am so relieved! - and will be living there for a while after the New Year.The family is coming from Austin around Xmas, so they can help me move. Ironically, I have accumulated some clothes, but mainly kitchen gear, spices etc
Then something strange happened. After a long weekend in Amsterdam, spiritually rejuvenated, I took the train back to Antwerp. It was a beautiful day, blue sky (yes, they do exist here too occasionally…) and the meadows were sunny and hazy, even the cows, horses and sheep looked pleased. – beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, n’est ce pas?
When I got of train, someone asked me the way to the buses, and once again I felt like coming home. I made a direct walk to the tram, saw the familiar spots and was awed by the fact that one can “own” a city this fast.
I had found that to be true this summer in Denver, where I rented an apartment for a week and felt at home real fast.
Am I the gypsy who can be at home on the road? Thinking about that one
Next I put the key in the door, and much to my surprise the cat, I call her Queenie because she acts like it, was so excited to see me, she could not stop crying and practically walked underfoot, to try and get even closer]
So far we have had a very edgy relationship (she has with everyone), she tends to lash out and growl at the slightest move she perceives as threatening.
Talking about coming home, I will actually miss her!!
This past weekend I went to Amsterdam and felt like coming home. Maybe because I have felt alienated in Antwerp, maybe because I saw family and friends, maybe because nobody here is in the slightest interested in meeting me. I do not take that personal, it seems to be the Belgian way. Nobody talks to you, even when you say a friendly hello or ask a question.
I don’t know if that is any better in Amsterdam, but it was like getting a warm bath of connections, since I already have those.
It made me wonder what “ home “ really means and I have to conclude, it is where the people you love, live. That realization has become very clear, and at the same time, I think I could build a life anywhere if I choose, that too has become clear.
But I do not, I will go where my friends and family are.
I found an apartment in Amsterdam – I am so relieved! - and will be living there for a while after the New Year.The family is coming from Austin around Xmas, so they can help me move. Ironically, I have accumulated some clothes, but mainly kitchen gear, spices etc
Then something strange happened. After a long weekend in Amsterdam, spiritually rejuvenated, I took the train back to Antwerp. It was a beautiful day, blue sky (yes, they do exist here too occasionally…) and the meadows were sunny and hazy, even the cows, horses and sheep looked pleased. – beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, n’est ce pas?
When I got of train, someone asked me the way to the buses, and once again I felt like coming home. I made a direct walk to the tram, saw the familiar spots and was awed by the fact that one can “own” a city this fast.
I had found that to be true this summer in Denver, where I rented an apartment for a week and felt at home real fast.
Am I the gypsy who can be at home on the road? Thinking about that one
Next I put the key in the door, and much to my surprise the cat, I call her Queenie because she acts like it, was so excited to see me, she could not stop crying and practically walked underfoot, to try and get even closer]
So far we have had a very edgy relationship (she has with everyone), she tends to lash out and growl at the slightest move she perceives as threatening.
Talking about coming home, I will actually miss her!!
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