July 31st - I am in love again
Yes, with all my loved ones, but also with New York.
Miraculously, New York has done its work on me and I now feel completely at home as well as excited to be here.
The dirt and noise have become background in some places, even the poverty has taken its rightful a place in my mind, although the behavior in the subway is still offensive to me. Ironically, people seem to be very nice overall, but in public transportation, all evil comes out. From physically obnoxious, to verbal abuse.
David is here now and we both are really enjoying the city. Benjamin arrived tonight and he is already thrilled to be here.
The weather has been great, that helps, but we have also been struck by the beauty and variety of it all. I understand why so many songs were written about this city; people (I) want to capture in words what the sizzle is all about.
We found an apartment we really like, which brought up finances, relationship, the future of our lives, our kids future, etc.
We talked up a storm and will decide in the next few days. If we had sold the house already we would feel different, but that project still needs to be tackled
Which brings me to this: should anyone know of anyone , who might be interested, please send them our way, we are ready to sell!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
July 26th - Grand Central
July 26th Grand Central
In awe I enter the grand hall
The central hall, the center
Might this be the heart of the city?
Where all and everybody meet
And do not meet, can see
And see not of each other
Blindly on the way.
And yet, my favorite space
where sounds and rhythms
mix and mingle, clatter of heels
and chatter of people,
like a concert ,composed
until a player burst out
in laughter or anger
and quickly looks around to check
and falls back into measure
and tempo and dynamics
on what we all agreed on
the right one for us all.
Kids and feelings hang around
out of step, legato, allegro, random
as it were, and unaware
in cris cros patterns
I feel stories behind bodies,
everyone is coming from somewhere
and going places, for better or worse
for joy and tragedy
Suddenly I overcome with love
for them, humanity and a profound
kinship with all life
I see the play, the form in which
We can develop a route to go
A job to find, to do
And see so many opportunities
And possibilities to serve
While in the end to serve is to be glad
Fulfilled and in the end
The way to find oneself
In awe I enter the grand hall
The central hall, the center
Might this be the heart of the city?
Where all and everybody meet
And do not meet, can see
And see not of each other
Blindly on the way.
And yet, my favorite space
where sounds and rhythms
mix and mingle, clatter of heels
and chatter of people,
like a concert ,composed
until a player burst out
in laughter or anger
and quickly looks around to check
and falls back into measure
and tempo and dynamics
on what we all agreed on
the right one for us all.
Kids and feelings hang around
out of step, legato, allegro, random
as it were, and unaware
in cris cros patterns
I feel stories behind bodies,
everyone is coming from somewhere
and going places, for better or worse
for joy and tragedy
Suddenly I overcome with love
for them, humanity and a profound
kinship with all life
I see the play, the form in which
We can develop a route to go
A job to find, to do
And see so many opportunities
And possibilities to serve
While in the end to serve is to be glad
Fulfilled and in the end
The way to find oneself
Monday, July 19, 2010
July 19th – Holding the Vision
July 19th – Holding the Vision
It has been difficult to do so, in part because of my own experiences, but largely because of people around me.
Some friends from when I lived here before, have been incessantly discouraging, negative and even intimidating. Numerous brokers tell me I cannot and will not be able to find what I describe as what I am looking for in the ways of living space.
Except for my real friends in Austin, many have declared me insane way back when, it shows in the way they look, or say “really”?
Paul Coelho writes in his precious book “The Alchemist” (recommend!!):
“Every second of the search is an encounter with god. When I have been truly searching for my treasure, everyday has been luminous, because I’ve known that every hour was a part of the dream, that I would find it. When I have been truly searching for my treasure, I’ve discovered things along the way that I never would have seen had I not had the courage the try things that seemed impossible to achieve.”
Well, I could not have said it any better. Feel free to support me in any way that seems right to you, email, telephone or in prayer.
This is not an easy time, but I am certainly glad I am doing it.
So we had another heat wave, which feels hotter than Austin, because you are in it all the time, from subway to subway, by foot to the store, a few more blocks to….etc
Feldenkreis is growing on me. Did I say I go to classes at The F-Institute 4-5 times a week? It is somewhat mysterious initially, but I am beginning to see rhyme and reason into it, but I will keep you informed.
Yesterday I sailed up the Hudson River with the sailboat build and re-created by Pet Seeger: The Clearwater. It is a sail boat that is mostly used to teach people about environmental issues – come aboard - and in particular in how to keep the Hudson River clean. It was a historical experience, bloody hot at that, gorgeous sunset and in company of a bunch of very committed and poor people.
The crew lives on the boat in close (close close) quarters and are a refreshing breed that feels like left over from the 60ties.
Saw an amazing apartment, with all the luxuries you might want,including space and the capacity to bring our furniture, a townhouse really, in New Jersey, which brings up the question on wether to choose space or Manhatten? Westchester or Manhatten?
I am sure this question will stay with me a while……………
It has been difficult to do so, in part because of my own experiences, but largely because of people around me.
Some friends from when I lived here before, have been incessantly discouraging, negative and even intimidating. Numerous brokers tell me I cannot and will not be able to find what I describe as what I am looking for in the ways of living space.
Except for my real friends in Austin, many have declared me insane way back when, it shows in the way they look, or say “really”?
Paul Coelho writes in his precious book “The Alchemist” (recommend!!):
“Every second of the search is an encounter with god. When I have been truly searching for my treasure, everyday has been luminous, because I’ve known that every hour was a part of the dream, that I would find it. When I have been truly searching for my treasure, I’ve discovered things along the way that I never would have seen had I not had the courage the try things that seemed impossible to achieve.”
Well, I could not have said it any better. Feel free to support me in any way that seems right to you, email, telephone or in prayer.
This is not an easy time, but I am certainly glad I am doing it.
So we had another heat wave, which feels hotter than Austin, because you are in it all the time, from subway to subway, by foot to the store, a few more blocks to….etc
Feldenkreis is growing on me. Did I say I go to classes at The F-Institute 4-5 times a week? It is somewhat mysterious initially, but I am beginning to see rhyme and reason into it, but I will keep you informed.
Yesterday I sailed up the Hudson River with the sailboat build and re-created by Pet Seeger: The Clearwater. It is a sail boat that is mostly used to teach people about environmental issues – come aboard - and in particular in how to keep the Hudson River clean. It was a historical experience, bloody hot at that, gorgeous sunset and in company of a bunch of very committed and poor people.
The crew lives on the boat in close (close close) quarters and are a refreshing breed that feels like left over from the 60ties.
Saw an amazing apartment, with all the luxuries you might want,including space and the capacity to bring our furniture, a townhouse really, in New Jersey, which brings up the question on wether to choose space or Manhatten? Westchester or Manhatten?
I am sure this question will stay with me a while……………
Monday, July 12, 2010
July 12th Call to Prayer
July 12th Call to prayer
As I am walking on 3rd ave and 93rd street, I suddenly hear this amazing whale of a sound coming out of loudspeakers of a mosque, so loud that it echoes several blocks all around. This is New York? oops, for a moment I thought I was in say, Istanbul or some other Islam city. I was mesmorized by it, I really wanted to go in, but I was wearing my shorts and spaghetti straps, they would not have allowed it.
After the terrible heat wave (103 for several days on end), the weather is great. Warm in the day, delicious at night and all around very pleasant, except of coursed in the subway, where it always seems to feel like an oven.
Speaking of subway, I am amazed at so much talent just singing and dancing in the trains. Just yesterday a group treated us to “The Golden Gate Quartet”, gospel/blues
So how am I? Battered all around, emotionally, physically, mentally.
People are totally into themselves, not unusual in this day and age, but coming to a new city, this is very confronting. At the same time I suspect that is why so much is achieved here in the ways of art, culture and even humanly.
That attitude shows in the fact that the people I used to know, are not in the least bit interested how I am doing, and the people I am meeting, ditto.
In the subway the do not make space for you unless you demand it and often times a bag is shoved against you, or a leg
Once again I am in a place, that if something were to happen to me, nobody would know.
And things did happen. I made a huge fall in a crack in the sidewalk, I had injuries of some sort in 6 different places and limped for days. Ten days later I still have skin scrapes to show for it.
I bump into everything and seem to have to re-negotiate myself in (small)space. I cut myself, my nails break and get lost.
Of course I wonder why did I put this madness upon myself? What was that about Austin?
I am alone and lonely, especially since I come from a home with two kids and a husband ( I so miss the doggies!) and even though we did not spend a whole lot of time together, there still is a buzz in the house, a coming and going. I thought I would be more relieved…
Ironically, several people came out of the woodwork and asked me about the work I do. I have a strong impression I can successfully work here. Already found a few places I can work at for a low rate per hour.
I get around the city like a fish in the water. Everything is familiar, it seems busier though, kinder at the same time and just as exciting.
The house hunt is excruciating. No such thing as multiple listing, which means for every corner, area, neighborhood of the city, you need another broker. Which means you need to find them, begin a relationship, ask them to help you find something and see apartments. While you have learned something, they disappear and you cannot pursue more.
We want to rent, there is not a lot of money in that for them, so if they know you don’t rent that very day – yes, that very day- they are not interested any longer.
In a general sense I figured out I want to live in the quieter neighborhoods with trees and birds and at the moment I am very interested in Brooklyn.
Honestly though, I don’t know and I am trying to be ok with not knowing at all.
What do I know? I want to sell the big house in Austin. I do not want to retire and die in Austin, TX, I like New York in many ways but not ALL ways and miss my family.
As I am walking on 3rd ave and 93rd street, I suddenly hear this amazing whale of a sound coming out of loudspeakers of a mosque, so loud that it echoes several blocks all around. This is New York? oops, for a moment I thought I was in say, Istanbul or some other Islam city. I was mesmorized by it, I really wanted to go in, but I was wearing my shorts and spaghetti straps, they would not have allowed it.
After the terrible heat wave (103 for several days on end), the weather is great. Warm in the day, delicious at night and all around very pleasant, except of coursed in the subway, where it always seems to feel like an oven.
Speaking of subway, I am amazed at so much talent just singing and dancing in the trains. Just yesterday a group treated us to “The Golden Gate Quartet”, gospel/blues
So how am I? Battered all around, emotionally, physically, mentally.
People are totally into themselves, not unusual in this day and age, but coming to a new city, this is very confronting. At the same time I suspect that is why so much is achieved here in the ways of art, culture and even humanly.
That attitude shows in the fact that the people I used to know, are not in the least bit interested how I am doing, and the people I am meeting, ditto.
In the subway the do not make space for you unless you demand it and often times a bag is shoved against you, or a leg
Once again I am in a place, that if something were to happen to me, nobody would know.
And things did happen. I made a huge fall in a crack in the sidewalk, I had injuries of some sort in 6 different places and limped for days. Ten days later I still have skin scrapes to show for it.
I bump into everything and seem to have to re-negotiate myself in (small)space. I cut myself, my nails break and get lost.
Of course I wonder why did I put this madness upon myself? What was that about Austin?
I am alone and lonely, especially since I come from a home with two kids and a husband ( I so miss the doggies!) and even though we did not spend a whole lot of time together, there still is a buzz in the house, a coming and going. I thought I would be more relieved…
Ironically, several people came out of the woodwork and asked me about the work I do. I have a strong impression I can successfully work here. Already found a few places I can work at for a low rate per hour.
I get around the city like a fish in the water. Everything is familiar, it seems busier though, kinder at the same time and just as exciting.
The house hunt is excruciating. No such thing as multiple listing, which means for every corner, area, neighborhood of the city, you need another broker. Which means you need to find them, begin a relationship, ask them to help you find something and see apartments. While you have learned something, they disappear and you cannot pursue more.
We want to rent, there is not a lot of money in that for them, so if they know you don’t rent that very day – yes, that very day- they are not interested any longer.
In a general sense I figured out I want to live in the quieter neighborhoods with trees and birds and at the moment I am very interested in Brooklyn.
Honestly though, I don’t know and I am trying to be ok with not knowing at all.
What do I know? I want to sell the big house in Austin. I do not want to retire and die in Austin, TX, I like New York in many ways but not ALL ways and miss my family.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
July 7th Heat in all ways
July 6th Heat
The circus around the 4th of July is done, I am glad. The masses were too many, the weather is all around too hot for anything and the fireworks, well, real pretty, but a half hour long and all I could think about, is how many people could have been fed from all that money that went into it. Ten minutes would have been pretty too.Not to mention the rest of the country…….
The weather was 103 today, practically unbearable and it will be till Saturday. In the city you cannot go from AC car to AC building, unlike Austin,you have to walk in it, to get anywhere at all, wait on platforms that are hot hot hot , when the train comes some relieve arrives, but no AC can handle this heat properly
My apartment is reasonable – I hear some people lost power!! – but even with working AC, it is reasonable, not great.
The barrage of the Senses:
It is remarkable, I never really thought about it that much.
Touch: Everybody touches everybody, especially in the subway. There is no carefulness about that, no mindfulness, it just does not matter. Having lived in Texas where nobody touches anybody under any circumstances, I have become sensitized to all this touch. Men sit in the subway legs spread apart, and wether there is a seat or not, no room is made . Big people have no problem using up two seats and all the while anyone just leans into you or at best, touches your legs, arms, hip, whatever.
Smell: there is always garbage on one street corner or another, some street or another is due for pick up.
Sound: too much, too loud. When I come home I need to use an escalator to get to street level and it sqeaks and grinds.
Then again, I get treated to one performance or another South American, classic guitar, break dancing (yes, they still do that here) and so on.
Visual: as much ugliness as beauty. Buildings are amazing when you bother to look up, avenues spectacular, fountains, statues, combinations of high rises that are beautiful in variety of color, size material and shape.
I feel very safe in New York now, more so than when I lived here 20 years ago. By and large, people are friendly when asked a question, but no unnecessary smiling while walking about!!
The circus around the 4th of July is done, I am glad. The masses were too many, the weather is all around too hot for anything and the fireworks, well, real pretty, but a half hour long and all I could think about, is how many people could have been fed from all that money that went into it. Ten minutes would have been pretty too.Not to mention the rest of the country…….
The weather was 103 today, practically unbearable and it will be till Saturday. In the city you cannot go from AC car to AC building, unlike Austin,you have to walk in it, to get anywhere at all, wait on platforms that are hot hot hot , when the train comes some relieve arrives, but no AC can handle this heat properly
My apartment is reasonable – I hear some people lost power!! – but even with working AC, it is reasonable, not great.
The barrage of the Senses:
It is remarkable, I never really thought about it that much.
Touch: Everybody touches everybody, especially in the subway. There is no carefulness about that, no mindfulness, it just does not matter. Having lived in Texas where nobody touches anybody under any circumstances, I have become sensitized to all this touch. Men sit in the subway legs spread apart, and wether there is a seat or not, no room is made . Big people have no problem using up two seats and all the while anyone just leans into you or at best, touches your legs, arms, hip, whatever.
Smell: there is always garbage on one street corner or another, some street or another is due for pick up.
Sound: too much, too loud. When I come home I need to use an escalator to get to street level and it sqeaks and grinds.
Then again, I get treated to one performance or another South American, classic guitar, break dancing (yes, they still do that here) and so on.
Visual: as much ugliness as beauty. Buildings are amazing when you bother to look up, avenues spectacular, fountains, statues, combinations of high rises that are beautiful in variety of color, size material and shape.
I feel very safe in New York now, more so than when I lived here 20 years ago. By and large, people are friendly when asked a question, but no unnecessary smiling while walking about!!
Saturday, July 3, 2010
July 3rd 2010 New York
It has take me this much time to feel I could sit down and write, so much has happened, where to begin?
The weather is delicious at the moment, after the first week of oppressive humidity, it is now in the high 70ties and sunny and windy. More heat to come I hear….
I conveniently forgot how stressful it is to get settled into a new apartment. It is like giving birth…Initially no internet, TV with complicated settings, no radio – my NPR addiction got a big dent – and how dependent are we (am I) on electronics. I also got a brand new phone and did not know how to work the half of it.
I packed the wrong clothes, I thought it was cooler at night, so half of what I brought is useless (and paid overweight- fees taboot!) and also had to find some sleeveless shirts and shorts quickly. Then I needed crazy glue (my purse broke) light bulb, supplements, band-aids (first day I treated myself to a deep cut in my hand), washing soap etc etc. It just goes on and on, settling into a new place without all your own little thingies at your fingertips.
The apartment is very nice, a 2 bedroom (come and stay with me!!), fairly spacious and fairly light, albeit, no view whatsoever.Walls on all sides. Good shower!!
The neighborhood is very ethnic (again!!) and once again I am a minority (Antwerp), but this time not among Moslim, but Hispanic ethnicity , mostly Dominican and Mexico. I feel safe, but somewhat alienated, everybody speaks Spanish exclusively. The express train is on the corner, so in 20 minutes I am in downtown. It is seemingly, the only affordable neighborhood in Manhatten and is consequently gentrifying rapidly.
I have already seen many apartments for sale and rent and the prices are depressing, i.e. astronomical. I don’t know yet if I/we think we can live here. The most extreme is the constant attack on your senses: smells, visual, sounds and even touch, especially in the subway. But apartments are often build facing away from the streets, so this one and others, are 100% quiet, as if I wassomewhere else.
At the same time all the activity is delightful and interesting.
New York is all of what it is made out to be: exciting, ugly and beautiful, inspiring and confronting.
I saw Helen Mirren in a preview for her new film and going to Shakespeare in the park next week with Al Pacino in the Merchant of Venice.
60 Pianos are put all over Manhatten and anyone can play them. I caught some opera students from Julliard at Lincoln Center.
The first week I was here I got invited to a party and met the producer of “Lost”, the TV show, who is now organizing a party on my behalf, as in “welcome to New York “(any excuse will do)
4th of July is insane here. Nobody works for days, everyone has parties in-and outside, buzz buzz, wondering if anyone actually celebrates the birthday of this country…? At night there is the huge fireworks on the Hudson river to top it all of.
I fell in a crack in the sidewalk, which I find out everybody does once in a while. I really hurt myself in many places and I am forced to walk less and not try and sort it all out in one week or two.
Clients, or potential clients, are coming out of the woodwork. I found an office for a low fee, so that is very encouraging.
The weather is delicious at the moment, after the first week of oppressive humidity, it is now in the high 70ties and sunny and windy. More heat to come I hear….
I conveniently forgot how stressful it is to get settled into a new apartment. It is like giving birth…Initially no internet, TV with complicated settings, no radio – my NPR addiction got a big dent – and how dependent are we (am I) on electronics. I also got a brand new phone and did not know how to work the half of it.
I packed the wrong clothes, I thought it was cooler at night, so half of what I brought is useless (and paid overweight- fees taboot!) and also had to find some sleeveless shirts and shorts quickly. Then I needed crazy glue (my purse broke) light bulb, supplements, band-aids (first day I treated myself to a deep cut in my hand), washing soap etc etc. It just goes on and on, settling into a new place without all your own little thingies at your fingertips.
The apartment is very nice, a 2 bedroom (come and stay with me!!), fairly spacious and fairly light, albeit, no view whatsoever.Walls on all sides. Good shower!!
The neighborhood is very ethnic (again!!) and once again I am a minority (Antwerp), but this time not among Moslim, but Hispanic ethnicity , mostly Dominican and Mexico. I feel safe, but somewhat alienated, everybody speaks Spanish exclusively. The express train is on the corner, so in 20 minutes I am in downtown. It is seemingly, the only affordable neighborhood in Manhatten and is consequently gentrifying rapidly.
I have already seen many apartments for sale and rent and the prices are depressing, i.e. astronomical. I don’t know yet if I/we think we can live here. The most extreme is the constant attack on your senses: smells, visual, sounds and even touch, especially in the subway. But apartments are often build facing away from the streets, so this one and others, are 100% quiet, as if I wassomewhere else.
At the same time all the activity is delightful and interesting.
New York is all of what it is made out to be: exciting, ugly and beautiful, inspiring and confronting.
I saw Helen Mirren in a preview for her new film and going to Shakespeare in the park next week with Al Pacino in the Merchant of Venice.
60 Pianos are put all over Manhatten and anyone can play them. I caught some opera students from Julliard at Lincoln Center.
The first week I was here I got invited to a party and met the producer of “Lost”, the TV show, who is now organizing a party on my behalf, as in “welcome to New York “(any excuse will do)
4th of July is insane here. Nobody works for days, everyone has parties in-and outside, buzz buzz, wondering if anyone actually celebrates the birthday of this country…? At night there is the huge fireworks on the Hudson river to top it all of.
I fell in a crack in the sidewalk, which I find out everybody does once in a while. I really hurt myself in many places and I am forced to walk less and not try and sort it all out in one week or two.
Clients, or potential clients, are coming out of the woodwork. I found an office for a low fee, so that is very encouraging.
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