The House The House

March 31st - Transition

March 31^st  - Transition

It is 2 am and today I fly to New York. I cannot sleep, although I am exhausted.

It has been an incredibly intense time, mostly emotional.

Today I realized I have not felt home for over a year, maybe longer, ever since I started traveling and searching where I wanted to be After Kids, which started in the summer of 09, going to California, Washington and Oregon.

But  back to now.

I am so overwhelmed, I don’t know how to write either. My heart aches from leaving the dogs behind again, they are such faithful friends and have helped me through so many lonely moments. They just give and love, no questions asked. I looked for sublets in New York that would take dogs, but that is nearly impossible, since most people sublet illegally and do not want any extra trouble.

 I have a 2-bedroom  apartment for two months in the West Village with a garden!!. Benjamin will come as well and by the end of May Sarah will have to leave her dorm and she will move back in,assumingly he will have a job and apartment long before that.

He actually has an interview with The Economist (writing about science) as well as with Columbia University(lab assistant)both for work in NY, he is clearly well positioned for work.

My goal is to have found a permannet apartment by the end of May and drive the dogs up.

The house needs to be sold, it feels like the most urgent  issue right now.

It is ready, it is beautiful and I don’t understand why people are not lining up by the front door to get it, since I think it is an amazingly attractive house. On the contrary, we do not have  a lot of traffic in and out, except when we did an open house last weekend.

They say here, when you have no viewers, the price is too high. It is already set at a much lower price than we ever thought necessary, it would be painful to go even lower.

We are on the internet, several sites, what else?. I cannot begin to explain how “done” I am, so ready to let go of it, so tired of it, it feels like it has eaten my energy and time for a year and a half and I am eager to move on.

Where are the people???

What part of me is not letting go? The fear of this new life and the comfort of the old one. Meeting people I know in the supermarket, calling the dentist and getting an appointment right away and getting one more email saying I will be missed. Lovely good- bye lunches and parties.

Getting a call to confirm my appointment with the radiologist.

I cancelled my car insurance today as well as my membership at the gym. I love my Prius and as much as I do not want to drive any more and have the pressure of owning a car, I will also miss it.

The last few weeks I have experienced  everything, knowing it was a last of this or a last of that, constant good bye, even to roads or trees or buildings

I have moved more than once in my life, but never have I felt the tension between two worlds more than now.

Occasionally I think I am really crazy for having set this in motion, at my age, no job waiting for me and not even a permanent place to live.

Thank god for Sarah, she is my biggest supporter and seems to understand what I am all going through and voices that all the time. She is very excited we are coming, it is a lovely point of reference.

Maybe I just need to be out of the house for it to sell? Now there is a thought. What are the energetics of this sale, what is the universe preparing for me, what are my guardian angels helping me with, can I participate in this process or is it just about letting go?.....?

Please pray with us for the sale.